Your Promises are my strength

Wednesday, February 28, 2007

@7:37 PM

I don't know how this topic came to me...It just did.

Envy.

I envy...a lot. I think it's a great asset, despite that it's one of the seven capital sins. I envy because it makes me feel like being in a competition, either friendly or normal. (But I don't cheat. It would not make the competition honorable) I always do good at competition. It reveals my hidden talents. I had a competitor named Joshua before, and he beat me in almost all the subjects except math.

I envy people because I like them. I like them because there's something special about them. I envy because it gives me reason to compete, but sometimes, it makes me hate my opponents, unless they are friends.

Hate.

I hate...a lot, but not anymore. I only get few competitors, and they are just pathetic. They just act too nerdy and brag everything that they know. I know someone who does but he's failing...math or trigonometry. They usually roam around the library and attack you if they think you're nice and stupid. That's why I hate going to the library anymore. They don't know this, because they think I'm nice. They get near to me everytime I go there, because they think I'm stupid, and can be beaten easily.

I hate them because they underestimate others, and act so knowledgable while they're not. I think, they're the main reasons why almost all of my classmates think so little about themselves. That they will always fail. That they will never learn. I hate them, because of it.

I envy a little on my friends. Rachel is very open on us. I'm not...because I don't want to. She tells us everything about her. Well, maybe not everything, but almost all. I...kinda envy her because I can't. Grace browses the internet a lot, learns a lot of different things, and meet a lot of different people. I don't usually do that. I browse the internet only when I have to, and when feel like it. She has a lot of virtual friends, while I only have one. She's also good at english (You guys should see her blog :D), and has a potential in math, because she shows enthusiasm in it, and she always try to answer the questions our professor throw at us.

I envy them...but I like them, not hate them.

`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`

I just want to share a piece of my mind. I hope noone will hate me because of this post. Well, maybe those freaks in the library will, but I hope none of my friends will for envying them.

PS: I just want to tell you guys that staying in the library to study is cool, and that doesn't mean that you're a freak already. Just stay smart and maybe we can compete and learn from each other. I hope we will not hate each other for pushing things that are obvious. Let me know if I do, so that I can change. I also don't want to end like them. Maybe I do...so please help me change, if you think so too.

Sunday, February 25, 2007

@12:57 PM

Hope.

'Hope' is the name of my classroom when I was a freshman in high school. I study in a catholic school, so I guess that's why they put virtues as a name for classrooms. I'm still in highschool, so...

Anyway...

I'm also interested about yin and yang. The rule of equality. Right and wrong. Good and evil. Rich, and poor. The good does win in battles, but they suffer first from evil. Everything has it's opposites. So, when I watched 'Charmed' and the segment included yin and yang, they showed that the opposite of hope is fear.

I didn't know why hope is the opposite of fear, until I realize something.

For me, hope gives you opportunities. Opprotunities may only knock once, but there's hope. It's not the same opportunity though, but that opportunity may give you the same result you are aiming at.

Hope never goes away. It dies together with you. That's why I don't want to die. I still haven't found happiness. I do, but it's not enough. And if I had enough, I want to stay forever, until I really had enough. That's when I'm planning to die.

Well, happiness don't come to you only by hope. You have to do something to get it. I think that's where fear comes up. It stops you from getting happiness. Leaving you with loneliness, and making you feel helpless. I think, that's the reason why people have suicidal thougths. Because of fear. To end it, they must kill theirselves first, and their hope goes with that too.

I know that what I had written has a connection with getting interested with people who have suicidal thoughts, but I don't know what...

`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`

I just want ot add this. It only came to me after a few hours I posted this

"We feel hope and fear in our hearts towards the future."

`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`

`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`

I just looked at the thesaurus, and the antonym of 'hope' is 'despair', and the antonym of 'fear' is 'assurance', but I did make some sense, right?

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

@8:57 PM

Well, I just want to correct something...I didn't slept at 1:00 am. It was actually 4:00 am. I have to be awake to finish our project partially. I did it without any grudge. I actually want to do it. I want to push myself into the edge but I know that it will be very uncool, if I fall. I also did something...something that you can do alone...where everyone but yourself is asleep...*laughs out loud* I was just kidding. I was too focused to finish our thesis.

I really felt very sleepy in our class today. I have to eat candies that are made up of coffee...

Our advicer didn't show up in our homeroom class today, so we talked about ghosts. I don't really know how it started, but...who cares!!!

Ghosts. I don't want to believe in ghosts, but I can't stop believing. I don't want to because it's scary, and I believe that if you die, you die. That's it. No more spirits, or anything else. I believe in ghosts because of the rumors. I don't even dared to watch any scary movie since I watched one...until I was 15.

I want to see one, because it will prove that there are ghosts. I don't want to see one, because I'm scared.

(I know that this post doesn't make any freakin' sense because Rachel wanted me to finish it real fast)

`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`

I love fiction that has magic in it. That's why I watched a scary movie again when I was 15.

Monday, February 19, 2007

@8:40 PM

For me, the day started with the picture-taking of the whole 4th year. We got enough time to chatter with the other sections because the sections were cut in half. We took the 2nd half. We had fun. The boys were bullying Allan. The girls were chatting with the other students from other sections. Grace and Rachel do too. Rachel, and Maricris had fun playing, while I was just watching them. I don't mind.

What I really want to join is the conversation of Kitz and Grace.

I mean, his life is very intresting too. I mean, I really want to hear stories of people that already thought about suicide. I know that it's because about depression. My groupmates last year made a thesis about it, and it's so cool!!! I learned a lot.

And, I think I care too...but I'm not sure. I want to get near them...but I'm not sure. Well, I did get near them, but I think I suck. I think he thinks that I'm such an eavesdropper. (Um, just put any curse/swear word/words before the word 'eavesdropper'...'cause I can't. I did but I don't have enough strength to do it again...for now *smirks*)

`-`-`-`-`-`-`

I think that the second special thing that happened to me is that I got a letter from my club! I will get...something. I'm not sure, but I hope I do get something.

`-`-`-`-`-`-`

The third is...I talked with someone. We were doing our seatwork in MAPEH and I got to talk to her. She said she sleeps at 7 to 8 pm. (Nothing, I just want to tell it.)

`-`-`-`-`-`-`

I think that's it

Robin of Teen Titans...and Batman, of course.

`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`

PS: I corrected the spelling of the word 'strength'. Thanks Rachel.

Friday, February 16, 2007

@10:22 PM

Sorry if I didn't post anything from the past few days, and I hope that my grammar will be okay, 'cause this post will be quite long. I will not read it over and over again to check. (and I'm not very good at english) I have to type ( and want to, of course) something about the past few days, so that I will never forget.

Feb 12, nothing special. Really. Well, that's what I remember. "nothing special"

Feb 13:

I didn't know that we had to pass our thesis on 16, until that day came. I panicked, because our printer is broken (and still broken) and we still have lots of things to do, and questionaires to pass to our schoolmates. That problem was solved. We decided to pass our thesis on Monday. (and I think nobody passed their thesis on 16 because I think our prof is absent)

Feb 14:

I passed our questionaires to some people and unfortunately, I didn't finished doing it, so I decided to continue giving questionaires to them at the ball night. I went there and I brought answered questionaires instead of blank ones. That's the day when we decided to pass our thesis on Monday.

I stayed that night and all of them danced, except me. Almost all of the songs are 80's or 90's. Almost all of the recent ones are acapelas. I think that's because almost all music known by normal filipinos in this country are 'singed', not 'danced', except for the acapela ones. I thinks it's our music industry sort-of-thingy's fault because they made them so freaking innocent about foreign music to support the music made by filipinos here. They made them so innocent, some local bands kinda, sort of, well, ...copied a liiitle bit something from foreign bands. I was once like those innocent persons, until I met Grace. (Thanks Grace :D )

There is still something that happened to me on that day. I was having my reccess until...the most scariest thing happened to me. I hate Rachel and Grace for abandoning me and leaving me to suffer alone for that unpredictable attack....F....*breathe in* Allan gave me a letter.

It was Feb 14. I hope you guys already know what kind of letter I received. ( I also want you guys to know that I'm already swearing in my mind)

I know that he would also give them a letter if Grace and Rachel were present. This was so...unacceptable!!! Eveyone knows that a guy will never give a card that is given in that occasion to another guy!!! unless...you know...SHIT!!!!

Feb 15:

Rachel was present, but Grace was not. She said that she was late. I didn't know that it was only half-day because it was personnels' day, and we didn't have classes. The day started with boredom, waiting for the celebration, until our advicer learned that I brought a scrabble board and everything that is required to play scrabble. We played, together with our class president Pauline, Mheriz, me, and our advicer. Our advicer didn't want to join the other teachers, so we played. Our advicer scored the highest and I think I was the second placer, even in the second game. It was so cool. I learned a lot.

I played video games until 1:00 a.m. after the celebration. I just want to free myself from the pressure I had on our thesis. I was also checking if any of my friends are online, and I found none.

________________________

Here is a picture of Raven of Teen Titans.

_________________________

Today:

I continued playing until it was time for my tv program. I waited...and *sob* I learned that it was canceled. It was only a rewind but it was still good. I never knew it's ending.

And then I was typing this blog post. The end. Sorry if I didn't find any time to do the posting until now.
_______________________________________

I always try to remember that, especially when I am playing scrabble.

Sunday, February 11, 2007

@6:01 PM

I'm just 'down' right now. Our deadline in IP is giving me a headache. I know that it's a group project but I heard that tomorrow is it's deadline and I only have to edit it. Nothing. I just want to discuss it.

Valentines' day is getting nearer every second, and I don't know what to do. There will be a school dance in our school in Feb 14. Going out with someone will be a lie, so I guess I'll just go alone. Yeah. Alone. Maybe with some friends. But I don't think they will all go. I hope Grace do. That dance don't require expensive clothes. One can go there with casual clothes. I really hope she can come. I typed it here because I know she'll read this. :D

*sigh*

I'm bored. I can sleep right now because of the boredom alone, but I have to stay awake because my dad will call today. He works overseas so that's why.

`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`
_______________________

He's Cuddles from Happy Tree Friends. He's my favorite.

Saturday, February 10, 2007

@12:11 PM

I visited the website where I found my first online friend. The website is a bit childish and I entered a guild where 'all members are friendly and helpful'. Well, I was childish at that time too. I met her in that guild. I thought she's older than me, but she told me that I'm actually 10 months older that her. I don't remember her birthday, only the month. It's November.

She's cool, friendly, and artistic. She told me that she'll take arts as a major subject in college. She's a very good artist, but she only let me see her drawings that are colored by crayons, but those drawings are original, good and cool. I guess I should also say that some are...'disturbing' too.

Grace kinda reminds me of her, because they're both mysterious to me. Mysterious in a good way, but my online friend sometimes deal with 'suicide'. Either she's thinking to do it or the people around her. I don't. Don't worry. I think she's still alive. I know, because I know that she's as strong as a tree that cannot be uprooted, but deals with very strong gusts of wind.

Wait... they both have a sister that are taking psychology... wow. That's freaky. *laughs* I think they both also like black.

I kinda like her. She even described herself. She's pale, but she always wants a tan. She has a red hair, but we never really know what we looked like.

We always fight through the internet. :D I always say things that are opposite to her opinion. I love contradicting her, giving me the attention that I want, but I know when to stop too.

We also fight in the internet by roleplaying-sort of-kinda-thing. She will *punch*, I'll *dodge*, and until one of us give up. It's so cool and funny.

I only wish she'll talk to me again.

This happened a long time ago. I just remembered it. I think I made an impression of myself as a stalker. I don't know why, but I think I did. She didn't reply to my e-mails anymore. I thought she did something to herself so I asked one of her friends (She used to send me chainmails) what happend to her, and her friend told me that my online friend is fine.

I guess I should just be happy to know that she's okay....

But we made a promise....

I guess that's already broken

`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`

__________________________

I want promises that are kept

Thursday, February 8, 2007

@8:47 PM

Well, the thing that really made my day whole is my test paper in computer.

I got a perfect score.

pffft. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

This is the first time I got a perfect score. (Except for quizzes) And the most score that I got, and is near to perfect is when I was in kinder 2. Our test was all about shapes, or atleast that's all I remember. *sobs* *cry out loud* I can't believe it's true.... *cries out loud continues*

*sobs*

`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`

Of course, the rule of yin and yang, something bad happened to me. Our printer is broken and I have to rent a computer outside. I went out. Found one. Waited there. They just can't run out of customers, who are all playing online games.

I searched for another, and found one.

You can't type well in the keyboard. The letters are blurred. The buttons are loose, because some type like they are typing in a type-writter or something that needs a lot of power to type. I did use the word 'type' correctly, right?

I asked rachel to send me the needed infos, and the internet just keep disconnecting. The person in the counter just said that Rachel should just send the data in my e-mail 'cause she was trying to send the data in the Y! messenger.

.....

anyway, the summary of the story is that she made me feel stupid about computers. I was about to type what I felt but after remembering about the exam, and typing that boring story, I got, technically, bored... but happy.

*sigh* wait, I think it's coming back to me now...

I hate her for making me feel stupid. I hate her for ordering me what to do, and in english too! Well, it's okay to speak in english...IF YOU HAVE THE ACCENT FOR IT!

hmm...I think that's enough...and very mean....but I'm not saying sorry.

`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`

*sigh*

Wednesday, February 7, 2007

@7:22 PM

I don't like people who don't give a shit about internet.

Internet is a place where we get informations faster, people!!!

Some of us learn things that are not taught to us in the school!!!

This is where we can talk to people from half-way around the world easily!!!

You guys just don't know the importance of it's existence, because editing your profile about yourself is all you know!!!

If you see any pop-up or a virus in your computer, PLEASE ACT LIKE YOU CARE!!!!!!!

*panting*

`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`

I'm okay now...sort of

PS: I was not talking about blogs. I was talking about websites that posts profiles like in a blog. Only...bigger. Lots of pictures like gifs, jpegs, bitmaps, and lies about oneself. You know, and all that shit.

`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`

I don't know what picture will I put today, so I'll just post something that's in my mind recently

I was thinking about computer crashes.

Monday, February 5, 2007

@9:30 PM

Well, we took our monthly test today. (It's a test that we take every month. I have to say this because some don't know about it. I bet Raviena don't.) We had physics, MAPEH (music, arts, P.E., and health), and Filipino. I forgot my calculator, so I had to wait for someone to finish first so I can borrow his calculator. Yeah, a guy finished physics first. Either he really studied physics or he just can't get any further...no offense...no, really.

I forgot to tell you guys that this day is when I turned 16. Yeah, sixteen. *laughs out loud* I'm only 16!!!

Then, we had our reccess. Christine Joie gave me a rosary. I dropped my juice. I borowed a mop. I cleaned my place. I returned it. Then I reviewed for a while.

MAPEH and Filipino made my brain bleed. I just don't have enough memory for them. I mean, it's just pure memorization...well, not pure, but mostly...for me. Eventually, I'll forget what we discuss, but some things will remain too of course. (Do I have to dictate what are those? I can. I just don't want to...for now.)

After that, we ate at ... I forgot where, but we ate donuts. We were nine. I ordered a dozen donuts, 1 juice, 2 sprite, and 6 sarsi (cola) ... I think. I'm the only guy, so when they started singing, I just want to evaporate or teleport somewhere, because of the humiliation, but now, it's just a funny memory. Thanks guys.

They started taking pictures...inside the place. *sigh* yeah...we used my phone. I sent some to Rachel. Some are in her blog now. I have a link juuust on the right.

I went home, changed my clothes, layed on the bed, and I just started sleeping...for 4 hours, and I'm still sleepy.

I sort of remembered my dream, but it's too wierd to type it in my blog. Just for a teaser, I gambled just for a candy.

I woke up, still sleepy. I saw my sister's classmate and my sister using the computer, because my door is open. I tried to wake myself by listening to loud music, and my sister closed the door. I think I woke up because I'm hungry, so I re-heat the pizza yesterday. There are only three slices left, and I ate all of it.

I joined them, they were editing their friendster account...and they were playing a game...They said they can't get through level 3 but I finished it to level 41. Pity, my sister's classmate's gone home at that time.

Me, Rachel, Grace, and Abigail talked through the internet, just talking about things. This is when I sent the pictures to Rachel, and also to Abbie as well. We also talked about my rabbits. My precious rabbits.

Well, while we were chatting, me and my sister were playing the game I was talking about, so she can see everything we were talking about...

We had cake too, while me and my friends were chatting.

After that, I started typing in this blog...I forgot The spelling of Christine's name, so I looked for it, I broke a glass while I was doing it. I cleaned the place, and continued typing.

`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`

I'm just too ... 'depressed' right now, because:

I don't want to get old. I want to stay young, and my birthday only makes me remember that I'm not.

I usually day-dream in my bed that someone's hugging me, and saying that person loves me. I want it. I hunger for it...and when I say it's a 'day-dream', it's a day-dream'. Don't get any ideas.

`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`

Got to go now...I have to review for tomorrow's test.

and here's a picture...

I forgot her name, but I know her. I just can't remember her name.

Sunday, February 4, 2007

@2:47 PM

Hey!

I just want to post these pictures that I got in our yard, 'cause I can't go out because of my eye...well, look on the bright side: I got pictures of my rabbits!

Aren't they cute!?!

@7:59 AM

I just want to post it...that's all. I'm suffering from pink eye/sore eye right now...but I really want to post it.

I want to write a novel, but I don't want anyone to see it until it's done. Well, maybe I don't want my mom, and my sisters (I don't have a brother) to know and read it, because they're family and it's about my very dark secret, nobody knows, but some already guessed it, but I act like they're wrong. (wow! I think I wrote a poem!) Even my close friends don't know about it (sorry...) Okay...I don't wan't them to know about it, so I'm going to write my novel after I lived in a dorm or when I'm on my own.

They're awake now...I'm going to continue this...later.

sorry...I forgot to post a picture. Well, I'm not going to post mine, so, here.

Friday, February 2, 2007

@10:27 PM

Well, this is my first blog, and blog post, and I opened it for all to see, so please be nice on all your comments. I hope I am not going to regret this...

Anyway, a bird chick died because my mom stepped into him/her...I always tell her that we should not buy baby birds because we're not experts. I mean, rabbits are cool but not birds...er, what I really want to say is that we should not take responsibillities that we can't keep. (and don't get any ideas like I'm talking about back-fighting/bitting/stabbing 'cause I'm not, okay? :D *laughs*)

Rabbits are easy to raise, but not chicks. (sh...I can't stop having this strange feeling every time I say the word 'chick'. I don't know if it's about ghosts, or ...girls that are...you know what I mean.) They need a source of heat, like nests. Rabbits don't. They have fur...err, duh. And all that jazz. I also have this feeling that we can't keep it, and it's strong. I really felt bad when I checked if he or she's alive and found out that he'she's not...but I'm not crying...and it makes me feel that it's my fault...and I hate it.

A bit dark of me, isn't it?