I feel very empty today. I ate rice, sausage and milk this morning. I ate a hamburger, chips, and 2 glasses of juice this recess. I ate chips and juice again this lunch. I'm full but I feel empty. I can't eat anymore, but I hunger.
I just realized that I will be always alone. My friends comfort me, but they can't always be there for me. They have their own life. I respect that. I don't want to be close in any member of my family, because I know that I will leave them sooner or later. I don't want to mourn for their disappearance. I act irritated in front of them, but I love them.
Greed.
It's the only thing that keeps me together. I can't afford to loose my heart to anyone, or I'll die. I can't gamble for love, that's why I feel empty for that. I want someone to love me forever. God can, but you know what I'm talking about. I want someone to lean on when I cry. I want someone to catch me when I'm about to fall. I want someone to give me a hug.
But I can't afford to gamble my heart. I don't want anyone see me cry, because I don't want to look weak. I always fall into the ground, but I only hear laughter. I don't want any hugs and even handshakes because my skin touches their's and I feel this really weird reaction from me. My heart races, my body shakes, and my palms sweat.
I feel alone. There are people to comfort me, and love me. Someday they'll be gone, and they'll take a part of my heart away with them, until it's gone.
Nobody can really read my smiles. I practically smile to everything. I smile when my heart is crying. I smile when I fall and even make a joke about it. I smile when I feel happy, sad, or irritated. I smile, so that nobody can read my feelings. I smile until it became a habit. I smile so that nobody can read my feelings. I do it because I don't want to be close to anyone. I say this so that my friends will know about this, but I don't want them to change their kind of attention to me.
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I'm already here at home, and I still feel empty. Maybe I'll eat until I throw up.
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PS: To my future special someone, I'm not going let go off you, even in death. I will follow you through the end. So if you don't want anyone to sing you 'sweet tangerine' (The Hush Sound) over and over again, you better not come near me, and don't introduce yourself.
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I love using this picture.
PROFILE
JM
freak
16
male
has a lots of plans but has no plans in implementing them
