Your Promises are my strength

Thursday, May 31, 2007

@8:44 PM

Karma

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hmm...I guess I was wrong about the cool guys that they're not bullies. They are. Fuck dude. I should have defended myself. Being the good guy is the the worst.

And the lonesome guy? He made friends. With Sam. LOL. Sam is so friendly.

As for me, I have to stay away from them. I don't want any trouble. ... I've been like this since birth. I don't want to fight. Not because I'm weak, but because I'm a good guy. I don't want to hurt anybody. Physically, or emotionally.

Well, I did hurt 2-3 persons emotionally by attacking their weakness (e.g. by telling them how stupid they are, how their life will not going to work, and all the likes), but that's when I was really really full. I put all my anger in my persuasion and it works like hell. Their lives turn out to be the worst. They stop studying, and they start beleiving that their lives are not worth living. And it's all because of me. With my kind of conscience, my life is a living purgatory.

I did hurt someone physically, but that was when I was in 4th grade. We were role playing until we got into a fist fight. It's true. But because I was the good guy, my opponent was found guilty. I started the fight though.

`-`-`-`-`-`

I have to review my notes now. I got to earn some respect through grades again. That's the only way I know.

`-`-`-`-`-`

*moans* I love salt and all kind of preservatives. I'm dead anyway. I want to rot slowly.

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

@2:48 PM

I just flunked computer programming.

It's only a seatwork, and I think my answers are correct, but I consumed a lot of time. I don't know what program we used, but it's similar to pascal, because I recognized some of it's syntax. I shouldn't have made my seatwork complicated. I should have typed everything that is required without those syntaxes that I know. I finished last, because I was such a show off to myself.

...

And guess who finished the seatwork first.

The lonesome guy.

*sigh* While I was walking back to my house, I keep telling myself that I suck. I shoudn't have let my guard down. When the lonesome guy finished the seatwork, he shouted that he's finished. I looked at him, and I unintetionally glared at him. I saw him smilling (but not at me, I hope. For his own cause.) and he went out of the door, because anyone who is finished can go home early. I thought I can take the second place, but I didn't.

I think he's smart like my old competitor when I was in third year. *smirk* I'm going to beat him...not literally, but...you know what I mean.

Setting goals like having the highiest score is hard for me.

But setting goals like having a highier score are my specialty. Not really, but somehow. Besides, we don't have any subjects that I hate.

`-`-`-`-`-`-`

Grace made a new blog. CMWS will not be updated anymore, I guess. I told her to keep it as a secret because of thieves and stuff, but she told me that she doesn't care, I think. I'm still not sure if I should tell the address, even if she told me that I should change her link in my blog.

I'll change it after I clarify things with her.

--------------------------

LOL. After I published this post, I saw Grace's post in my tag box with a link to her new blog. I guess it's safe then.

Monday, May 28, 2007

@4:49 PM

I guess the cool guys aren't going to bully anyone. I think they're also geeks, but in a cool way. I guess the brutal ones don't like computers. Hehehe...

I went to school early, and I was about to feel like a jerk, until I realized that I have my book with me. I read until our teacher arrived. I guess, I have enough ammunition for the entire semester, and will continue buying books to kill boredom and anxiety.

School's great. Sam, Piolo, and I already know the discussion, although Piolo flunked the seatwork because he forgot the formula in trigo. Moral lesson from the story: ("Be kind to animals? *buzz* Wrong answer! hehehe...) Don't get too overconfident. You might end up humbled. Well, he only keep saying he already knows the lesson at me. I guess, I'm kinda used at hearing smart mouths. (no pun intended)

When it's time for lunch (Yeah. We still have lunch every Monday, because we still have P.E.. I just can't believe that we have to do exercises and stuff after eating.), Sam and I find someplace to eat. We found one and we agreed that we're going to eat there every lunch, but I think we only have lunch break every Monday.

After eating, we went to the room where we will have our P.E. class. Piolo and his gang were already there, and they decided to go back where we had our previous classes, because the P.E. room was still closed. Sam followed them, and he invited me to go with them. The lonesome guy I talked about just got there when Sam asked me. (He has a very nice timing.) I guess that lonesome guy thinks that I'm such a leech because I accepted Sam's offer (not to mention the big difference of my height, and Sam's). We left the place, leaving the lonesome guy alone. *sigh*

Fuck.

I can see myself in him.

I think I can hear his thoughts too.

"...............................*sigh*............."

Sunday, May 27, 2007

@3:23 PM

Tomorrow, we will have a break for an hour, so I bought another book. The title is 'The Conjurer's Bird' by Martin Davies. I bought the book for P 355.oo at the newly opened National Bookstore in Malabon City Square (MC). The mall (MC) is definitely improving, so I guess I'm going to visit it for some time.

Anyway, the book got my attention because of the title. I didn't even looked at the back for a bit of introduction. I guess, I really like fiction that contains magic in it. *sigh* I guess, I was only influenced by my new friend. He loves books and I wanted to give it a try if I also like reading fiction. Pfft. HAHAHAHA... I do love fiction. I just don't like the thought of buying foreign books, because it has a better cover, and our's stinks at that department. I mean, I love our works, but covers do give impressions.

PS: Bob Ong's books are good. His covers are simple, but interesting. And also the titles. For me, good titles also give good impressions. It also doesn't matter if the paper used is only coupon bond. What matters most is the content, not the paper.

`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`

School's going to be really interesting starting tomorrow. Guys outnumber the girls by 3:1, and we're in a block section containing 30 or less students. The cool guys already started a group, and it will only take a few weeks, or even days for them to bully someone. I should really make myself unreachable for them. I don't want to make homeworks for them. Only for my friends. Hehehehe...I remembered the time when I scanned my homework and sent it to Rachel, Grace, and Abbie. LOL. That's the first time we used technology in...'sending confidential datas'. That was so cool. I want to do it again. Honest!

Friday, May 25, 2007

@9:38 PM

I went to this person's blog to look if he posted something new. I'm kinda glad that he replied to my comment. (Well, I also want to hear some comments to my posts, but I like my blog skin better)

I always skip this blog post that says that he has an anonymous blog that contains...something, until now. I've been talking to this person since like April, and I searched for his blog if he has one. I found something, and I read almost all of his posts...and he doesn't know it. I also created a new e-mail, so that he'll not find this blog. I hope.

Anyway, I searched for his anonymous blog, and I found nothing. But while I was searching, I found a lot of anonymous groups for gamblers, alcoholics, nicotine users, cocaine users, and a lot more to overcome their vices/problems. I guess, I should create a group too. "Compulsive/anxiety anonymous" but I guess shrinks can cure this without any side effects. Hehehe...

I found his blog by only typing his e-mail in a search engine (Google, MSN, Yahoo!, and all the likes). I guess he's a very honest person, because I found his blog. So I searched my own e-mail, the two of it, and I think I'm quite hard to find. LOL. I know that my first e-mail add is known by geek players, because I got the name from a game, so you'll see a lot of walkthroughs first. HAHAHA...But my second e-mail add is much more funnier. I searched my second e-mail, and I ended up getting results from different companies! HAHAHAHAHAHA... I guess if he search my e-mail add, he'll think if I'm telling the truth about my age! HAHAHAHA...

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Sam, and Cian are my school mates too. I just found out this morning. Cyan's not my class mate though, and Sam was only absent for two days, just to skip the embrarassing introductions. Lucky him.

I was alone yesterday. We had a break for 30 minutes, and I bought something to drink. I also noticed that I'm alone. Again. Back to the old eat-alone-during-recess-and-lunch-and-pity-myself routine. I walked back to the hall, and I sit there, and I saw someone alone like me. I guess I'm not alone being alone.

After the break, we waited for our next instructor (That's what teachers call themselves here) and the instructor never came. Fuck. Alone again?! I was really anxious at that time. The person I saw earlier was seated at the back. I opened my phone and I listened to my music. I thought it would keep me calm until the next subject, but the battery ran out. I was whimpering in my mind at that time. I should have brought the new books I bought.

*sigh* I'm glad I'm not alone. for now.

`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`

I searched the meaning of instructor as a college teacher, and I found out that instructors are lower than assistant professor. ... I hope that's because we're only first year students.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

@3:35 PM

I woke up at 7.

School starts at 8, but I'm also supposed to meet Grace and Rachel at 7. I arranged a meeting for us to catch up, but I'm late. Me! The person who arranged the meeting! I'm really, really sorry, guys.

I saw them, and they greeted me. I'm glad that they're still there. I was about to join them, when I saw that the clock points at 8. I bought a drink and gave Grace a cd. Then, I went to school.

...I will always address places where grown-ups teach and students learn as school.

I arrived, with all the sweat around my body. I went into my room and I saw a former schoolmate. Sam's not there, though. I really thought he'd be there. I took a seat near my former schoolmate and we talked, until our teacher arrived.

Every subject passed by without any lectures because it was only the first day, except csc01. Our teacher taught us about operating systems. We (my schoolmate and I) already know this stuff. He gave us a seatwork, and my schoolmate and I took it easily, while others are still confused about the lecture.

I guess college will be really easy for me. (Just boosting my self confidence. :D )

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

@10:41 AM

I was watching 'Detective Conan' in GMA, and the continuation of the story will be shown tomorrow. And then I realized, I'm going to college tomorrow morning too! Shit! How the fuck will I know the ending of the story?!

We're going out today to watch 'Shrek 3'. *sigh* We've been planning to watch it since last friday, and things just keep us procrastinating. But I am so going to watch it before I go to college. With them or alone. ...Fuck. 'Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's end' is showing tomorrow too.

I don't expect much for tomorrow though. I am so going to be alone. I just know it. I'm glad that Grace and Rachel will see me an hour before I go. I kinda miss them, but things will be really different now. We're going to different universities, well, they have the same university, so I'm going to be left out a little. Anyway, I hope things will be fine. *sigh*...

Let's talk about my hopes for my college life.

I hope that I'm going to be great.
I hope I can have some time to go to a gym, that my uncle introduced to me and my cousins.
I hope I can find a cheap way to learn how to play the piano.
I hope I can find some interesting books in our library.
I hope I can have some time to go to the library.

And I hope things will be fine.
_____________________________________

*chuckles* We watched 'Shrek 3' and I saw a lot of very interestring movies to come. Shucks. I'm going to burn a lot of money for these movies.

After we watched the movie, there's a stall of 'comic alley' in the hallway, and the stall is selling some sort-of-figurines of pokemon. I bought Umbreon, Latias, Latios, and Espeon.

We also went to the 'National bookstore' to buy stuff. ...Well, I'm the only one who bought something. I was looking for the sinful book, but it's not available anymore. Rats. As I was looking for that book, I saw Bob Ong's new book: 'Mac Art Hur'! This is so cool! I thought I would never hear his name in the bookstores again. I'm so glad that I'm wrong.

Still looking for that sinful book, I saw a foreign novel made by Christopher Moore, 'A dirty Job'.

...

Wow.

I looked at the back of the book for the preview, and I got interested, because it's about a normal guy, that got the job of 'Death'. That's why the title is called 'The Dirty Job'.

`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`

Here's a picture of what I had bought.

Well, good night everyone.

Monday, May 21, 2007

@1:31 AM

I met someone online. Er, he's a guy and astonishingly, we share the same evil, morbid, and shameful secret. We even met at a forbidden and illicit place. I thought I lost his contact because I was quite open about it at him. It turns out that he was only busy, and that he works at a hospital. He's also a filipino.

`-`-`-`-`-`-`

Anyway, new post.

Things just got uglier. From the thought that vacation will be soon over, to the thought that people commit plagiarism. I thought people only plagiarize for assignments and projects. I mean, sorry for repeating it, but that is very low. *chuckles* ...*sigh* I'm going to study hard, that's for sure. I will graduate with flying colors. And I will get a lot of e-mails and phone calls from different companies. Just like my dad. I will show to him that a graduate in I.T. can also get that kind of popularity.

...

*sigh*

Why do I always expect for the worst?

`-`-`-`-`-`

This cute litte piggy is from a girl that requested if I can print this cute picture. She told me that it's a gift from his boyfriend or something. ...*sigh*...I wish I also have someone. I want to be happy like her when she received the printed pics. I fuckingly envy her.

Sunday, May 20, 2007

@2:36 AM

Yesterday, my bed was cut into half because of my weight. Well...it's really not my weight, but my personal needs. (If you know what I mean)

I even have to decrease the height of my electric fan.

I bet the poser that copied my friend's works doesn't want to copy my works, because she can't reach my peak of excitement.

`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`

What had happened to Grace, and the others is very shocking. I mean, why create a blog that contains others' thoughts? To be popular? ...Hmm...I guess she did become popular to my friends, in a wanted:dead-or-alive kinda way.

`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`

I'm glad that I haven't found any of my works so far. And if I did find something, I swear I'll hunt her down and...well, my friends will do all the whippings.

I'm also glad that she's also a fucking idiot. Noone can right-click in her xanga account (Thieves hate each other), but there's a lot of loopholes to choose from. I'm not sure if she's the one who created the codes to cease right-clicks, or if she just copied it from others again. If it's from her, then I should say that I'm impressed, although I highly doubt it. She can't even maintain her blogs without others' thoughts. Why should I believe that she created the codes?

`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`

To every writers in the world, you guys better watch out for this girl, because she has a dick and has the ability to fuck anyone in the behind.

Saturday, May 19, 2007

@12:31 PM

After a few experimentations and stuff, I had changed my layout.

Er, that's it.

End of transmission

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

@9:07 PM

Our telephone line was stolen. That's why I was not able to write anything here. Well, it's back. I guess this means new post. ugh. Since vacation started, the internet is my second home. And I like it better than here. I had some heartbreaks because of internet, though.

Anyway, our house is terrible. My mom and my youngest sister always go out to play bingo. And that's the good part. The bad part is my sister, when the mother superior is out, becomes a pain in the ass. Just this afternoon, she was almost asleep in the living room. I woke her up, so that she can sleep in the nice, comfortable, and cozy bed, and played some 'My Chemical Romance' music to do so. Then she just shout at me and wine about how little her sleep is. And yell about how I ruined it and shriek about her, not able to return to sleep. I backed out and left her alone.

I felt bad. My fucking conscience made me.

I watched a movie and I left her for about an hour. She went inside to sleep. (I was in the upper part of the double-deck, and she slept in the lower part.) Mom came after a few minutes the movie ended. I was in my room at that time. I went out hastely and told mom not to wake my sister. Unfortunately, she already did. And out come my fake sister, cheerfully like when she's around with her friends.

She's watching some telenovelas now and she's staying up late to watch 'Pinoy Big Brother'.

Now...I'm not sure if I am blessed because of my conscience. It makes me do good things, and help others because of pity. Even those who do not deserve them. I'm such a fucking impulsive person.

Wednesday, May 2, 2007

@11:18 AM

I found a lot in the internet. Pfft. LOL! There's this singer, see? He's not known in the Philippines, and even in America (I think), but his name is all over the internet right now, especially in this group of people. (I want you guys to find it on your own. *chuckles* I took the risk of discrimination (um, yeah, 'discrimination') , and I want you guys too. They're not bad though. I even think that they're cool.)

I heard some rumors about converting videos, and audios from URLs through this certain site. I wanted to convert the singer's music video and show it to my friends, but I can't find his video. I only watched it from an another link. I quit thinking about converting his video, after I found out that the site that can convert videos and audios is not legal and it can't convert the videos and audios into mpgs.

And it only took me three hours to learn all of this. I'm also just using a modem.